I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
