I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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