i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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