i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
