My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
