Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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