So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
