every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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