let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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