i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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