Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
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