ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
