I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Enjoy the penises
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
