I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
