The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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