Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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