I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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