he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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