I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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