Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
