I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
