Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
