im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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