Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
