fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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