The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
