my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
