I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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