it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
