bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
