you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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