tell your sister to shave her snatch
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How naked do you want me to be?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
