ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
