I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
