You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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