The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
