he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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