So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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