I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
