Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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