The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
