i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
And then my night got REAL pukey
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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