i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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