ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
