Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
