So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
