If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
