if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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