I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
