I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
