Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
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It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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