Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
