I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
