You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Enjoy the penises
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
