That's when you crack a 10am beer
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
