i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
