how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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