how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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