You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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