I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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