im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
