First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
