He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
