dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
