this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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