I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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