glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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